From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
