The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
