need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
