Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
