im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The air was thick with penises
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
