U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
