you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
