I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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