one two three fourrrrnication!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
