if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
