If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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