Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
