there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
