Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
