how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
