Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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