I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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