apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
