He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
