A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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