I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
