you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
