You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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