So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
