He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
