we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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