I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
