i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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