Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
