There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
