We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
