When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
