Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
