I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
