what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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