he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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