I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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