She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
