im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
