I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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