i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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