You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
