alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
