you traded sex for a burrito?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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