Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So many bounce houses so little time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
