Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
