k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
