The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just cropdusted the office
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
