The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
