You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
