I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
