you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
